The House, After a Loss
What has to be handled now, what can wait a year, and how to decide when you are ready. Not before.
What Can Wait
I am sorry you are carrying this.
Most people I talk with after a loss feel they should be deciding something about the house. Usually, they do not have to. Not yet.
A common piece of advice after losing a spouse is to wait about a year before any big decision, if you can. When it is possible, I agree with it. These can almost always wait:
- Whether to sell the house.
- Whether to move closer to family.
- Clearing out closets, the garage, or your spouse's things.
- Big repairs or remodels you were planning together.
- Any decision someone else is in a hurry for you to make.
The house will still be there. You are allowed to take your time.
The Few Things That Can't Wait
There are a few things that should not wait. Most of them are paperwork, and none of them mean selling.
- Keep paying the house bills. The mortgage, property tax, insurance and utilities. If money is tight, call the lender before a payment is missed, not after.
- Call your homeowner's insurance company. Tell them what has happened, and make sure the policy stays active and in the right name.
- Tell the mortgage company, if there is a mortgage. Ask what they need from you. In many cases a surviving spouse can keep the loan as it is.
- Find out whose name is on the title. If your spouse was on the title, there is usually a document to record with the county so the house is in your name. Your title company or attorney will confirm this for your situation.
- Keep the house safe and lived in. If you are away for a while, have someone check on it, especially in winter.
That is the whole list. Everything else can take its turn.
Paperwork When a Spouse Was on the Title
Many couples own their home together in a way that passes it to the survivor. Others own it through a trust or a will. Each one is handled a little differently, and only your title company or an attorney can tell you which applies to you.
A few questions to bring them:
- How is the house titled today?
- What do I need to record, and where?
- Do I need anything before I can sell, refinance, or add someone to the title later?
I do not give legal advice. I can help you find a title company or attorney if you do not have one, and I am glad to sit in on that call if it helps.
How to Know When You Are Ready, and When You Are Not
There is no right date. These are some signs people describe when they are ready to start thinking about the house:
- You can talk about it without it feeling like a betrayal.
- The house is starting to feel like work more than home.
- You have a picture of where you would like to be next.
And some signs it is not time yet:
- You are thinking about it mostly because someone keeps asking.
- The idea of the house being gone makes it hard to breathe.
- You would be deciding to get away from the grief, not toward something.
Both lists are normal. You can be on one for a long time, and you can move back and forth.
Who to Call First, and Who Should Not Be Rushing You
Call first: your insurance company, your mortgage company if you have one, and a title company or attorney about the title. A trusted friend or family member to help you keep the paperwork in one folder is worth a lot too.
Nobody should be rushing you. Not a buyer who knocks on the door, not someone who sends a letter offering cash for the house, and not an agent. If anyone pushes for a quick decision, that tells you about them, not about what you should do.
When You Are Ready to Talk
I am an SRES® (Seniors Real Estate Specialist®), and I taught school for 18 years before real estate. If a question comes up, today or a year from now, I am glad to answer it, even if you never sell.
When you are ready, we can sit at your kitchen table and go through your options. There is nothing to sign. You leave with a written plan, and staying where you are is one of the options on it.
Reach out here or call me at (801) 824-6385.
Frequently Asked Questions
How soon should I sell the house after my spouse dies?
There is no deadline. Many people are advised to wait about a year before big decisions when they can. A few paperwork items cannot wait, and none of them mean selling.
Do I need to change the title on the house?
Often there is a document to record so the house is in your name. How it works depends on how the house was titled, so your title company or attorney will confirm it for your situation.
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