My Kids Want Me to Move. What If I'm Not Ready?

It is your house and your decision. Listen for the worry underneath what your kids are saying, because it is usually about your safety or the upkeep, and then answer that worry on your own timeline. "Not yet, and here is my plan" is a complete answer.

I am Delia Bayna, a REALTOR with eXp Realty in Salt Lake City, Utah, and a Seniors Real Estate Specialist (SRES). I hear this question from both sides, the parents and the kids, and here is how I help.

Your children love you. Loving you does not make them the owners of your house, or the people who decide when you leave it.

I say this plainly because a move made under pressure is harder to feel good about later. I do not rush homeowners, and I do not help anyone else rush them, including their own kids.

Your kids are not wrong to worry. They may see something you have stopped noticing, the way you stop seeing a crack in the ceiling after a few years. Their worry deserves a real answer. It does not get to set the date.

When adult children push for a move, it is rarely about the house itself. It is usually one of these:

• A fall on the stairs, or on icy front steps
• The upkeep getting ahead of you
• Living far away and not being able to help
• A health change that would force a fast move later

The last one is worth hearing. A move you plan on your own schedule is easier than one planned in a hurry, and your kids may be hoping you get the first kind.

Ask them directly: "What are you worried will happen?" Their answer tells you what you are actually deciding.

Then tell them what you are worried about. Maybe it is leaving the neighbors, or the garden, or having no room for the grandkids to stay over. Your worries count as much as theirs, and saying them out loud helps everyone see the whole picture.

Some worries have answers that do not involve selling. Hire someone for the snow and the yard. Move your bedroom to the main floor if the house allows it. Have a handyman walk the house twice a year. If your kids live out of state, set a standing weekly call so they hear how you are doing from you.

Utah winters are where this shows up first. If the driveway, the front steps, and the basement stairs are the worry, a plan for those three places may give you more good years in a house you love.

Other worries do point toward a move. If the house needs more than help can fix, or the stairs are the whole house, a move is likely at some point. The timing is still yours.

A plan takes the pressure out of the conversation. It can look like any of these:

• Stay, with changes. Name the help you will bring in, and when you will look at it again.
• Move on a date you choose. Next spring, after the holidays, or after a grandchild's graduation.
• Get ready without deciding. Sort one room a month, get a home value estimate, and look at a few places.

If you are not sure which of these fits, my downsizing quiz asks four short questions and points you to a next step.

For many people, the third option is the easiest place to start. You keep every choice open, and your kids see you taking their worry seriously. My free downsizing guide lays out what to decide now and what can wait.

Families do better with one conversation and the same facts than with ten phone calls and ten different stories. I am glad to sit down with you first, on your own, and then with your kids if you want them there. Kids who live out of state can join by phone.

I taught for eighteen years, so I have spent a lot of time in rooms where people disagree. I do not take sides. I explain the options and the numbers, and the decision stays with the person whose name is on the house.

When you want to see what a sale would involve, my downsizing page and selling a home in Salt Lake City cover the steps.

What do I say when my kids want me to sell my house?

Ask what they are worried will happen. Then answer that worry with help around the house, a timeline, or a plan to look again later. You can say "not yet" and still take their concern seriously.

Should my adult children be part of the decision to sell?

They can be part of the conversation if you want them there. The decision belongs to the homeowner.

How do I get ready to move without committing to sell?

Sort one room at a time, find out what your home might sell for, and look at a few places you might live. Each step keeps your options open.

Can I stay in my house with help instead of moving?

Often, yes. Help with snow, the yard, and repairs, plus a bedroom on the main floor, keeps many homes working for years. Look at it again when something changes.